No More Lies
by Zebrastreifen
Summary: ["No more lies. Nothing but the truth from now on."] Sequel to "What Did and Didn't Happen". Set immediately after the scene in the bar in "200" (9x14). On the advice of Emily, JJ decides to tell Will the truth. *Rated M for non-graphic mentions of attempted rape and language*
1. Chapter 1

"Will? We... we have to talk." The couple had just returned from the bar they had met the team in. Will nodded in agreement. JJ had been somehow _different_ all night. They had not talked about the previous events of JJ's abduction yet, but Will knew that it about time, so he carefully guided his wife towards the couch.

After the two had sat down, he looked at her full of expectation. "I just... don't know how to..." JJ took a deep breath and looked up to her husband. "Actually it's two things..." Will nodded again, this time signaling JJ to take her time. She opened her mouth to say something a few times, but she never did. "It's about what happened in... that basement, isn't it?" Will offered after a while. JJ nodded, then covered her face with her hands, trying to hide the tears streaming down her face.

"Shush, it's okay, honey. Talk to me."

"I didn't want it. I swear I didn't want it!" JJ started sobbing uncontrollably, and seeing his wife fall apart broke something inside of Will. "Breathe, Jayje, breathe!" He soothed, moving over to her, pulling her into a close hug. "I'm here. Just breathe!"

They remained in this position until JJ's breathing had normalized. When Will figured she was ready for the question, he asked what had happened, although he feared he didn't want to hear the answer.

"Hastings. He... he trie...he tried to rape me, Will." JJ whispered. Point proven.  
"What?" It hurt how she was unable to look at him.  
"Matt stopped him, but he..." JJ gulped, trying to control the shakiness in her voice. "...he touched me. Everywhere!"

Will didn't react. He was in shock. How did anyone dare to hurt her like that?  
Misinterpreting her husband's silence, JJ panicked. "I'm sorry, Will. I... really didn't want it! He just..." "JJ!" Will interrupted. "You don't have to apologize! None of this is your fault!"

She whimpered quietly and flinched when she felt the touch of his hand on her shoulder. Will pulled his hand back, hurt. Was she scared of him?

* * *

Back in the bar, Emily had pulled him aside when JJ had been to the bathroom. She hadn't said much, hadn't told him anything about the state JJ had been in when she had found her. Emily had just looked him in the eye and - almost conspiratorially - whispered "Be there for her, Will! She needs you." before she had gone back to the team. Now, several hours later, Will finally realized the severity of her statement. He hadn't been surprised that Emily obviously knew more than he did. Before they had entered, JJ had told him she needed to have a word with Emily outside first. When she had finally reappeared a good twenty minutes later, JJ's eyes had been puffy - not obviously puffy, but yet puffy enough for him to realize she had been crying.

He hadn't confronted her with that, though, knowing that she would tell him when she felt ready to.

The way she had kissed him in that bar had made him think she was doing fine, but in retrospect, Will realized that she had just felt guilty, guilty for having been touched by another man. That was why she had clung to him so much this night - she had been trying to make up for what Hastings had done. Will sighed, trying to look her in the eyes, but JJ shrank from his look.

* * *

"I feel so disgusting!" She confessed, and the sadness in her voice made Will shudder.

"You're not disgusting, JJ. Not at all."

She sniffed, still unable to look at her husband. Will sighed. "Please - will you look at me?"

JJ hesitated for a moment, until she finally obeyed. When their eyes finally met, Will started:

"I love you ... no matter what happened in that basement. You are my life, Jennifer - you and Henry." He paused for a second. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from what Hastings did!" The pain in his voice was evident.

"So you're not mad at me?" JJ sounded like a little, terrified girl when she asked this question. Will sighed. "Of course not!" He could tell from her reaction - the tears, the shifty eyes - that she didn't believe him." Will sighed.

"May I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"Are you scared of me?"

"What? NO! Why would I-"

"You flinched. Earlier, when I touched your shoulder - you flinched."

"I'm sorry."

"So you're not scared?" He double-checked.

"Not of you." She answered. "Never of you!"

Will sighed in relief. "May I hold you then?"

JJ nodded, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Please."

* * *

_A/N: Too cheesy? Too un-Will-y? Unfortunately I have never been to the US, let alone Luisiana, so I have no idea how Will's accent sounds and how I'm supposed to "transcribe" it...This is my first JJ/Will fic, so please be gentle :)_

_Well, what else? There will be a sequel where JJ tells him "the second thing". The ones who have already watched "200" probably already know what it it, but... if you're interested in a second chapter, just let me know :)_

xoxo


	2. Chapter 2

The buzzing of her phone woke Emily up. It was almost 9 am on a Sunday morning, so she shouldn't have been worried but glad the job-related message hadn't arrived earlier. Half-annoyed, half-asleep, she stared at the screen and read: „Em? Are you home?"

Emily bounced out of bed within seconds. This was not work. It was JJ, and since it was only around 3am in DC, Emily immediately knew that the text message she had just received did have a deeper meaning than just requesting some Sunday morning small talk.

"Skype in 5?" She quickly texted back, already booting up her laptop. Only seconds later, her phone buzzed again. "thank you."

Emily sighed.

* * *

The familiar beep resonated through the quiet room when the skype connection was finally set up.

"Hi..."

"What's wrong, JJ?"

"Huh? What do you..."

"It's 3 o'clock in the morning where you are, JJ"

The blonde mentally cursed. Of course all the years of moving around between several continents had made Emily an expert of time difference. And she, too, had been a profiler, so there was no sense in denying something was wrong. One did not simply text a friend living overseas that early when nothing was wrong - especially not when one had seen the aforementioned friend only five days earlier.

JJ didn't respond, though, not knowing how to defend herself. Skype video calls to overseas were usually blurry as hell, but the 3.600 miles distance web connection didn't hide Emily's frown. However, her features soon softened, and what remained was a worried, almost sad look in her eyes.

"Jay..." She started. "Would you please turn on your webcam?" An unspoken "_so I can make sure you're not hurt or crying or both_" lingered in the air. JJ responded with a defensive sniff, but obeyed.

"Oh JJ!" Emily exclaimed sadly when she finally saw her friend's puffy and tear-stained face. It was obvious that she had been crying, but it was just as obvious that she was trying to hide it. "Please look at me. What happened?" "Noth..." JJ cleared her throat. "Nothing. I'm fine. I just... wanted to see you."

Emily sighed. She would be lying if she said she hadn't been expecting a call like this. JJ had been kidnapped, tortured and almost raped, dammit! However, the night she had left DC, Emily had actually made sure JJ told Will about what had happened - well, obviously she had only _tried_ to... Once again, she cursed her new job, cursed the ocean between them that made it impossible to just come over and give JJ the hug she desperately needed.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you" Emily apologized, her eyes locked to the screen of her laptop - looking her in the eye was the closest she could get. She hesitated. "JJ - where is Will?" _Why the fuck are you alone right now?_

"He's asleep" JJ whispered, and before Emily could respond to that, she added: "And before you ask: No, I'm not going to wake him" Emily sighed. "I have been keeping him awake for four nights in a row now, Emily." JJ confessed, and Emily frowned. "So he...?" "He knows about Hastings? Yes, he does. I told him the night you left." _Just like I promised. _

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." "It's okay." Silence. "I woke up screaming the past few nights" JJ whispered, avoiding the camera so Emily couldn't see she was on the edge of crying again. "You're having nightmares?" The blonde nodded. "Will has been so gentle with me since... Hastings" She started. "He keeps reassuring me that he loves me, that it wasn't my fault..." JJ inhaled deeply, but didn't continue.

"...but you don't believe him?" Emily guessed, earning a head-shake as JJ's response.  
"I _do_ believe him" She started. "I _do_ believe that this is what he truly... thinks, but... I'm scared this is going to change when I..." JJ gulped. "He doesn't know _everything_ ... and neither do you." She confessed, her voice shaky now. Emily was alarmed at the fear in her friend's eyes.

"So you're thinking...?" "...that when I tell him the whole truth, he won't love me anymore and will blame me?" JJ suggested, then nodded. "Yes. Yes, I do." Emily looked at her worriedly, thinking. _The whole truth._ She shivered. Did this mean...?

"JJ... are you saying that you lied about what ha..."

"NO!" JJ interrupted furiously. "This isn't about Hastings! I told you! HE DID _NOT_ RAPE ME!"

She quickly broke off, throwing a worried glance towards the door, afraid she had woken Will up. But the house remained silent. Phew! Emily however frowned, trapped between relief and confusion.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to imply that you..."

"It's okay" JJ started weakly, shame outweighing the previous fury now. "You're right, actually: I _am_ a liar." Emily inhaled sharply, but before she could develop her previous worry any further, the blonde continued:

"I was... pregnant."

"WHAT? When? What happened?"

The blonde sighed, trying to pull herself together. "I was pregnant." She repeated. "Back in 2011" JJ paused. "I was in Afghanistan when I found out..." When she didn't continue, Emily softly asked: "What happened?"

"There was... an attack from ambush. Our convoy got blown up. The next thing I remembered was waking up in a military hospital." She sighed, unsuccessfully trying to blink away the tears overwhelming her again. "I'd had... a miscarriage."

"JJ... I'm so sorry!"

"I... I hadn't told Will about the baby yet, so I didn't tell him about..." She sniffed, unable to continue. It took her a while to regain her composure. When she did, though, her voice was full of self-hatred.

"So yes, you're right: I _am_ a liar. I lied to Strauss, I lied to my... gynecologist, I lied to everyone" She sighed. "And now I'm having nightmares again, and I'm lying to Will because I can't tell him they are not about Hastings..." JJ buried her face in her hands. "I kn...know I de..de...deserve it - but I c...can't" She broke off, unable to trust her voice any longer.

Emily stared at the screen, shocked. Right now, she would even _swim_ through the whole fucking Atlantic to give JJ a hug.

"It wasn't your fault, JJ!" She assured warmly, but JJ didn't listen.

"YES IT WAS!" The blonde screamed. "EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT!"

With these words, she swept the laptop off the table, clunking on the floor with a loud bang. The screen shattered into pieces, and their skype call went dead.

* * *

This time, Will _did_ wake up.  
When he noticed his wife's side of the bed was empty, he immediately jumped to his feet and ran downstairs, finding JJ squatted down on the ground sobbing uncontrollably, her broken laptop lying next to her.

* * *

_**A/N: So... what do you think? Should I get Emily on the next plane to DC while Will talks to JJ?  
As aways, any kind of review is appreciated!**_

_**Thanks for reading!** _


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